My roommate joked the other night that M has ruined me, and has made me think that I deserve to be dating an asshat. Or that chasing someone is normal. Or that douchebaggery is sexy… or something.
I went on three dates with an awesome guy with whom I have lots in common. We both run (granted, I would never be able to keep up with him), we have similar personalities, shared interests, oddly similar relationships with our parents, and the list goes on. From our first date, I didn’t feel that “spark” with him, the spark that I felt on my first date with M or New Guy, but, hey, fireworks aren’t everything. Besides, both M and New Guy ended up being assholes, so I gave it another go.
So for our second date, we went out to dinner. Good conversation, I learn a bit more about him, he asks me questions that say he’s really serious about commitment and not just playing games or dating a 23 year old for the sake of dating a 23 year old (he’s 34, by the way). I really like him at this point but still don’t feel chemistry.
At this point I should have ended it, and I feel badly that I waited until after our third date, but I wasn’t letting him go until I was sure! So, we met for lunch and then took a walk. During our walk, he asked if it would be okay to hold my hand (seriously, how NICE is that?). When I told him “yes,” and that he didn’t have to ask, he replied back that he didn’t want to startle me. The same thing happened as we were leaving and he asked if he could kiss me.
I thought that perhaps after our kiss the chemistry would kick in, but alas, it just didn’t. The whole way home I was berating myself for going because I felt I had led him on too much at this point already. I hate rejecting people because rejection just sucks, plain and simple. We’ve all been there.
So I called him Monday night to tell him I just wasn’t feeling the chemistry. The elusive “spark.” I was nervous, because it would inevitably be awkward, but texting him would have been cowardly and lame (New Guy, if you’re reading this, take a hint). His reaction made me like him even more. Ugh. But, you can’t fake chemistry. It’s something hard to define, but you certainly know if it’s there — or if it’s not.
So now I have questions for you people…
If you don’t feel chemistry on Date One (or Two), should you give it another chance?
Can a guy be too nice?
Do I have self-worth issues? Just kidding. Kind of.