When Men Bring out the Crazy in You

In my last post, I described my addiction to a guy who I dated for over a year, which was finally broken when I found out he had been in a relationship with another girl since before I even met him.

I didn’t describe how I found out or what unfolded afterwards.

I was with him just last week. We went to the gym together (Cassie, that detail is for you), and went back to his house to shower and “hang out.” Well, as we were lying in bed together, a girl’s name popped up on his phone in a text message. Big deal right? That’s what I originally thought. Guys text me. Girls text him. And we aren’t even an official couple, so what’s to even question?

I forgot about it for a few days. Two days later, I couldn’t get her name out of my head. What was it about her name? Why had I even remembered it? Had I seen it appear on his phone previously? And why did he block me from seeing all activity on his Facebook? Should I even care? We’re not even official!

So I typed her name into Facebook and I saw the pictures of them. Of their trip to Chicago (during which he texted me and told me he was visiting friends). Of flowers tagged as him with a one year anniversary caption. And then — her Facebook relationship status. In a relationship. Anniversary date: one year prior to the date of the tagged flowers. Great.

Naturally, my heart started racing, my mouth went dry, and my stomach turned to knots. I texted him, “Are you dating someone named ______?” He replied back: “Who told you that?” I replied, “Facebook.”

The next night I went out. Let’s just say alcohol and rage do not combine well. The floodgates of anger opened up and a sea of ferocious texts came pouring out from my phone to his. I told him I would contact her and tell her everything. That he should be scared. That he screwed up. That he IS screwed up. I think I may have called him a sociopath.

The next day I channeled my anger into pure productivity. I had made it my mission to get in touch with this girl. I literally couldn’t think straight until I contacted her.

No e-mail or phone number on her Facebook. No AIM screen name. I tried Facebook messaging her, but because we weren’t friends and had no mutual friends (I’d unfriended M before I had thought of this) it went to her “Other” messages folder which she’d likely never see. So I tried friending her on Facebook.

A few days had passed and she hadn’t accepted my request. I found her Twitter, but it appeared as though she didn’t use it much. Can you tell the crazy in me was starting to come out a little?


Ok, maybe not Fatal Attraction crazy. But still.

So, my next option was to find her e-mail address. I knew she had just graduated from a certain school (it said so on her Facebook), so I found the generic template e-mail address for anyone attending the program, and plugged in her name. I wasn’t completely sure it was the right address, or if she even still used it, but figured it was still active since she’d just graduated.

I phrased everything as delicately as possible. I apologized for wasting her time if it reached her and she didn’t care, or if he had warned her about me and she already thought I was crazy. I also apologized if it reached her and she found herself shocked and upset. I ended the e-mail by giving her my number and letting her know she could call me if she wanted to talk or even meet in person.

The next day, I got a phone call. It was her.

During the thirteen minutes in which we spoke, she was in complete shock. She asked questions, and I answered them honestly. I told her that I was as surprised as she was (I was honestly more surprised he had the time to text me 24/7 and see me while maintaining another relationship — all in the same city, no less — than I was surprised he had the capacity to be such an asshole). She was nice, and extremely grateful. She even apologized to me for being mislead.

That night she e-mailed me and all it said was, “You are a wonderful human being. Thank you Thank you Thank you.”

I feel least sorry for me in the situation because I knew who I was dealing with the whole time. I feel more sorry for her, because she was truly cheated on and had her heart broken. But, I feel most sorry for him, because he must not have the ability to feel remorse or guilt or empathy. And that sucks, because he will always be the broken one in the end, whereas his victims will be okay.

It may have taken a year, but my detective skills paid off.

Now the question is: how many more girlfriends do you think he has?

This entry was posted in angry, cheating, crazy, girl power, relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to When Men Bring out the Crazy in You

  1. Angela says:

    Mallory, I am SO glad that you are blogging again. I read you over at Have Your Cake and when you started talking about your dating life, I knew I could relate. Not to mention, the quarter life crisis. I myself am in a very similar situation right now with a sociopath of a man. I’m still in the “heart broken” phase. I can’t seem to get over him.
    Thank you for putting all of this out there. I’m extremely impressed with the way you handled the situation. I can’t wait to keep reading.

  2. Wow, you are so brave. You did the right thing – for both of you. If I was her, I’d want to know.

  3. emiliemarie says:

    Wow. Wow, wow, wow. I think you are awesome for telling her – god knows how long it would have taken her to find out the truth if you hadn’t told her! I think you probably gave yourself some closure, too.

  4. jmarcya says:

    Hey Mallory- I have to echo the sentiment that I’m so happy you’re blogging again, too. I think it’s interesting you describe him as a sociopath… I was briefly dating one of those too… Also a person I know literally nothing about and can’t get to the truth with. Interesting how there are so many out there! Anyways, us quarter-lifers better stick together and end this BS!

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